You are where you are supposed to be

What if this, your life, is perfect right now?

We are always striving for something better, newer, different. The grass is always greener. We never feel good enough. Since Nathan died, I have had this constant feeling that this should not have happened. That life should not be this way.

But what if this is how life is supposed to be at the moment? I’m not saying that God won’t bust in and change your situation, or that you should stop praying for that. I’m talking about how we look at life.

I went to a worship night a while ago that my amazing friends Sonja and Bob organized. Their daughters Kaitlyn and Sami wrote prophetic cards beforehand, just index cards with words from God that popped into their heads. I picked one up; it said “leader” (no problem).

On my way out there we some cards leftover, so Sonja told me to grab another one. It said, “You are where you are supposed to be.”

What?

I thought things were supposed to be better. Different. Fixed.

“This is not what I imagined 
But this is real life in the trenches 
And we are living the dream 
Every day comes with the promise that 
It could be great if you want it 
And we are living the dream 
We're living the dream”
- Downhere, “Living the Dream”

This is not what I imagined. And this is not the life I wanted. But I am doing my son (and myself) a huge disservice when I live like this is less than my dream for us. That is hard to live out every day. But with God’s help, I am trying.

Our version of a great family picture.

So what do we do when we are where we are supposed to be?

“Actually, I don’t have a sense of needing anything personally. I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.” (Philippians 4:11-13, MSG)

I was curious, so I looked up the Greek word for “content.” It is “autarkes,” which means to be self-sufficient, to be satisfied, to have enough.

Interesting.

I think the answer is to get happy about it. To be content, happy, satisfied where we are. That is sometimes easier said than done.

"Oh, the ordinary day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me be grateful while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall fall upon my knees, or bury my face in the pillow, or lie among the sick, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return." - Mary Jean Iron

Chad, one of Nathan’s best friends, posted this on Facebook after Nathan died. I had never heard this quote before but I could not have put it more perfectly myself.

I spent a lot of time while we were married planning The Next Big Thing. We worked towards jobs and promotions. We planned trips and vacations. We dreamed about our children and our next house. And those things are not bad within themselves. But after Nathan was gone, I didn’t miss any of those things nearly as much as the ordinary. I missed lazy Saturdays watching tv and eating breakfast in bed. I missed walks in the park and grocery shopping together. I missed the regular, everyday stuff.

Making cookies. We might wear pajamas a lot at our house.

Contentment is hard. It is so much easier to live in a fantasy world. To look at real estate listings or dating sites. To cover our issues with shopping or food or busyness. To dream about what’s next.

I think countdowns can be like a drug. We’ve got to have the next big thing to look forward to. Vacation, promotion, summer, new movie, the weekend, whatever. I used to do that a lot. But then I was never in the moment, in this present “now.”

Because now is hard. It is not usually glamorous or Facebook-worthy. It is yet another snow day, a cold Wednesday with a stuffed up child who is whiny and wants to watch Toy Story for the 17^th time. It is fixing dinner when you are COMPLETELY. OUT. OF. IDEAS. It is listening and just being there when you don’t really have much left to give.

I intentionally don’t make a lot of plans now. I’m not eager to get promoted from Entry Level Mom 1 to Senior Parenting Supervisor (although my expertise in ouchie kisses, stain removal, and all things Thomas would be awesome resume builders). I’m just living day to day, trying to listen to what God wants me to do next. I don’t want my focus to get clouded by a bunch of things that don’t really matter in the end. Because if I’m going to get “there” (wherever “there” is for me), I’ve got to do the best I can with here and now.

I also have mad Duplo skills. And my child does own clothes.

So what about you, my dear? Do you feel like you are where you are supposed to be? Is it hard to live in the moment? In what area(s!) are you struggling with contentment?